I am not a sentimental person nor have I ever been. Yes, I cry over little things and remain as hard as a rock over things that matter, but I’m not cold hearted. I’ve opted out of letting things wound me because being happy is EASIER. But I am sentimental about certain things even though I try very hard to hide it. This is a blog about a very important person in my life. And I will write it in the most charming way I know how.
Like I said before I grew up in a family of two older brothers. And as typical as that may seem our relationships aren’t that typical. I am 4 years younger than the youngest but we get along so well its almost scary. We like the same things, laugh the same, act the same… unfortunately look the same. We’re close but there are certain topics I do not touch with him ( ahem** boys) but I trust him with my life. I love him with the entirety of my heart even on the days that I can’t stand him. So why do I write a blog about ONE brother and not the other. Well, in due time the other one will get a blog all about him, but for now, I’m just so proud.
So, my brother and I spent a couple years apart and then we were reunited. We started spending so much time together it was sometimes TOO much but I liked it. Who needs friends when you have family members that are like friends but forever loyal? We had our rough patched and our fights but at the end of the day he’s my brother. I am truly blessed with TWO amazing brothers.
My brother will tell you himself that neither he nor I were headed on good paths. Different paths as they were, we were heading into dark futures. I was fully committed to achieving life outside of my parents’ house and he was fully committed to living a life of a bachelor. But that didn't happen. God has other plans for me. Life doesn't always go as planned and I’m glad God decided that enough was enough, and started dealing with this heart of mine. I said to myself for two years “when I turn 18. I am moving out, chopping off my hair, getting tattoos and doing whatever I want. I am sick of this! “
At 18, I started college and my thoughts weren’t entirely the same, I couldn’t move on because I was broke from school and I couldn't chop off my hair because I’d get kicked out. Never did God cross my mind. I didn't care what he wanted for me, I wanted the freedom.
Fast forward… As a reward for me getting into college right after high school my dad decided to take me to Louisiana to see my family. I hadn't seen them in 10 years and I figured why not. I needed a break, I felt lost and confused. I was taking a course I didn't really think I needed and I didn't know what I wanted out of life. I was lost. This trip was my life saver. I went to Louisiana and I can’t say what it was. But I went to the church there and my perspective changed. I was hungry! I was dying because my soul had been so neglected. I vowed at the end of that trip that I would change my life. I’d seek God!
I did. I am so proud that I followed through on that promise. It’s changed my life. I am different because of that promise I made to God. God changed my life that year. Not only did I gain such a beautiful relationship with God but he did some of my biggest desires in my life. If you know anything about love, you’ll know that when you love someone you desire the absolute best for them. And I never truly judged my brother but I didn’t condone his behavior. But when the hunger in me started making me view him as more than just my brother and that he was truly lost… I couldn't help it. I remember there were nights I’d cry and beg God to touch his heart. I did this for 9 months. And then I got tired. I was tired. I wasn't seeing anything happen. He was getting worse and I was getting weaker. I had no more tears, I’d worded my petition in all the ways I knew how. But NOTHING was happening. So one day, out of exhaustion and sadness I said, do whatever you want then!
You know, I didn’t realize this until recently that the reason he did something so quickly then was because I actually surrendered in that very moment. I said, “do whatever YOU want!” not what I wanted, not what I thought, not how I thought, but whatever God wanted. And literally a couple days after, God did. It was such a relief to me, to have someone else in the fight with me. I’ve never said this, but when you’re the younger child in a family you’re used to looking up to people, but there were times were I felt like people were looking up to me and that freaked me out. How was I going to make people proud, when I’d barely lived my life? I don’t know why God chose this way, or why the burden for him was so great but that’s how God chose it.
Now, about two years later… or something like that… almost 3 years… my brother is a PASTOR.
How unbelievably crazy is that? When they announced him on the 17th of this month, I almost cried. (I don’t cry in public) God is a miracle worker. He does what we think won’t happen. He mends the broken hearts & shattered dreams. I do still feel burdened for him but it’s different now. I know he’s capable of what God placed in his hands. And I’m a proud little sister with someone to look up to again.
Congratulations to Ruben and Cindy Alvarez, who have been called and chosen to serve God. I know you will be brilliant. And I am very proud to call you my family. Oh, and I’m sure Benji will grow up to be like daddy & grandpapis.
Sigh ** I’m also kind of worried, all the men in my life are so unbelievably talented and so ready to be used by God, my future husband must be impressive too ( I hope )
Never give up on your family. God will do it. But you must be consistent, you must be sincere and you must trust that God knows best. He knows when, how and where. But you must be determined to get your victory from God.